It's 2023 -- OH MY GAD.

Oh Lawd Jesus!!!

It’s been a whole two years since I’ve been on the Blog that is T R A G I C … but Also!! :D We have done some amazingggg amazing things since I’ve been off! We have been BUSYYYYY BAYBEEEE. Lemme tell you — but as I’m writing this, it’s actually Mercury RX… Full Moon Szn… AAAND f*cking Eclipse Szn bitch. And not just one.. We’ve been through 2 separate Eclipses back to back. Chileeee, and I’m about to give ya’ll the ENTIRE Cup of Tea huntey.

It is now the Month of May, baby. It’s Springtime and bitch is SHE GIVINGGG!! It has been such a magical season for me and I am soaking it all up. I feel so loved by the Universe, it’s insane. I mean, yes, I did end up experiencing a small shift in my career that I am extremely grateful to experience; but I say that to say, that this energy, is solely because I feel the remnants of my harvest planting and sprouting. It’s like all the work, internal and external, that I put in for the past two years is starting to pay off. And I can only say I know this because of the evidence. Maybe it’s just the high I’ve been getting from being outside and being in Nature for damn near this entire Spring period, but really it’s the Revelations that have been pouring in.. it’s the letting go of the deep need for Self Criticism that I once had, it’s the releasing of the deeply embedded fears that I have been struggling with for a long while, and gurl, those generational curses are not going to heal themselves!!!

It’s like you’ve been healing for a good 6-7 years and over time you do see/feel the emotions that you’ve been wanting to feel but maybe there’s a little bit of debris from our traumas and getting rid of those little leftovers seemed to be the greatest feat. It’s a shame that I was so bent out of shape for so long because we’ve been fighting for our freedoms, and we’ve been trying to prove ourselves all this time that we had what it took to do the work we’re doing and now we’ve finally been able to accomplish certain things so you’re actually getting somewhere in life; with Entrepreneurship and with Personal Self Improvement. It’s finally got me to this point where, I’m letting go of trying to prove myself to anyone but myself, if I want to! And not only that but also, being so satisfied with where I am today, because at times it feels like I’m on a never ending loop of self-improvement, which is and has been awesome but it’s not always natural and I’m learning just to be my natural self and knowing my natural self is always going to be good enough. It’s like inviting more happiness in, with a little bit more self acceptance and self preservation. I have been owning how much sleep I’ve been needing lately and this year — for some reason ya gurl has been EXTRA TIRED. and I feel that it’s from awwwwl of the work I am/have been putting in energetically. physically and emotionally. I can feel the transformation taking place; it’s an awesome feeling and an awesome knowing that there’s nothing really for me to do but water, plant and nurture myself through the process. I have been learning so much about letting go of control, and the need to worry and constantly over work myself, over stress myself!! These things have been so necessary to come to the light because — I truly don’t want nor need any of those things in my life anymore. It’s amazing to just Be. It’s amazing to just glow with the flow! Yes, I meant Glow with the Flow!! hehe.

Maybe some of ya’ll haven’t started or are hesitant towards stepping into another version of your healing journey and that’s okay!! We really gotta take a lot of time to reflect on where we used to be, so that the Gratitude from that practice will provide some Inspiration, Motivation and Purpose in our continuous pursuit of Healing. I’m realizing now, how much of a steady climb it is, and by all means, take our time. We can go the fast way, which would be cool.. but we can also go slower and enjoy every little step. And however/whichever way you choose, is perfect for you. For me, I’m seeing how much I am enjoying slowing down just a little bit more. It’s not a race so why shouldn’t we all go at our own pace… and why shouldn’t the Universe support us at every pace we take? If the Universe is for us and always works everything according to our good — if that much is true, then we know we can take our time. All the time we want and/or need; it’s up to us when we want to get back on the horse again. It’s okay to take breaks and it’s safe to go our own pace. An Affirmation.

Our Healing Journey is just that — a fucking journey. It’s not going anywhere either, even if we wanted it to, it’s always just a small choice or shift away. We can’t float too far away from it if we tried, only because we’ve already done all the work to make it to where we are today. So who’s to say that’s ever going to go away? What’s done is done. And what’s not done is only yet to be discovered. Maybe we feel like we’ve either gone too far off course, maybe we feel we’ve done so much work internally already and maybe we’re just a little unmotivated, discouraged and/or tired from the work we’ve already done. It’s truly good enough. Until we say the opposite. Most of us, really want change. Change is what’s necessary and it’s always calling our name; whether we’re comfortable with change or not. It all depends on how we perceive change and how we talk ourselves through the process.

I’m so grateful for every little lesson the Universe provides; Again, I am so guilty of micromanaging, over stressing, over worries, over anxious about every single thing. This season has been so challenging for someone like me, because the future is so unknown. A lot of times we assume, bad or worse things will happen but we fail to realize that those “bad” things happen to aid an ultimate plan, and the plan is always good. This season’s focus for me was a lot about releasing what no longer serves me… I know it seems like us spiritual people are always saying that .. and.. it’s true lmao. This lifestyle is a constant state of birth, death and rebirth. There is always that possibility of either creating, picking up or processing extra baggage and there may always be that need to release habits that no longer serve us. Most people start or begin with the thinking that physical habits are the ones that need to be focused on and changed. However, for some of us, the internal mental and/or emotional baggage that we carry on a daily needs just as much time and attention, if not more. This season, was guiding me and so many others to do one of the biggest releases and reprograms for the Mind, Body, & Spirit. The Astrological season and Energetic Forces were supporting our ultimate growth at the time, and I began a release of every shadow that arose throughout the season — a lot of it was Fear — whether it was fear about the past or the future, even the present! Anxiety had been a big ruler of my inner world right before starting my upteenth round of Individual Psychotherapy, and the remnants of my healing late last year started rearing its ugly head once again as it normally does. Instead of witnessing these emotions arising and letting them go as they pleased, I was getting tangled and caught up in the rollercoaster. A big part of my healing journey has been focused on releasing and reprogramming my mind in order to provide more peace and less criticism; more ease and less sabotage; more Trust… more Faith. And Lemme tell you, my Faith was (and is slightly still) being tested in the greatest of ways. It is the most difficult thing to have to rewrite what your DNA says; it’s the most challenging thing to get your mind to make new pathways where there was none. Especially if your familial generation has these same programs. My mental program of worrying, anxiety about any and every thing, big and small, seemed as if it was impossible to manage. Unfortunately I approached my issue in the most harmful of ways… I approached the triggers and emotions with a little too much force and not enough empathy. I tried to eliminate all fearful thought patterns instead of knowing that ultimately, they probably would never go away for good, but I would know how to better able manage them, with a little bit of practice. Perhaps I would now, choose to do a Deep Breathing exercise, and allow myself to feel deeply into my anxieties, without judgement. I would allow myself the space and time to release what was coming up and allow emotions to flow, as they always do. This is why stillness, and a lot of reflection, helps in the Healing process. It’s not just about always over committing or proving your worth by always doing the work. It’s also about knowing that there is so much value in the absence of the (physical) work too. Be-ing is just as much a healthy part of the process as Doing, and it took me a long time to realize that. My worth was always caught up in the Doing and not enough of the Being. I’m so grateful for stillness and realizations, for they are the key to ultimate wisdom.

I’m going to have to stop there for now folks, this story is packed with so much juice I want you all to take a sip and enjoy as much of this liquor as you can, it’s refreshing!!

And Until next time my dears, we will continue our reflection soon.

Take Care!