We're almost There -- Mid-Year Check In

Good afternoon, beautiful beings!

I trust the months of June and July were amazing to you!! So many incredible things and celebrations this month; have you been able to embrace it all? Between Pride Month, Juneteenth, and Black Music Month, it's been a whirlwind in L.A.; I'm so looking forward to creating more magic and memories with the people who matter. But is there still something holding us back? Are our shadows starting to rear their ugly heads? Cancer season has this effect on us and prompts us to fully step into our Inner Mother. Interested in how to use this season to our advantage? Keep reading along for more insight.

Not gonna lie, things still haven't been easy on this side... I mean, Springtime wasn't a breeze -- there was still some heavy inner work that needed to be addressed. And now, moving into the Summer, it seems like things are starting to open up for us as long as we do the work. That's the thing though, between having to take care of ourselves, our households, and for some of us, other human beings, it's no wonder why our suffering is so loud -- or is it a never-ending silence? This season has really been pushing me to speak up, as loudly as I can, about our collective and my individual suffering. We've been conditioned to keep our feelings to ourselves and to prioritize others' needs before our own. Black women are tired. And I'm sure all of us -- black or not -- can relate. There is not, and most likely will not be, a one-size-fits-all solution to a mass crisis; this is another new beginning at healing generational trauma.

We have continuously been used, abused, and psychologically/biologically traumatized due to capitalism, the patriarchy, and other toxic systems that keep us all in a harmful loop. These obstacles, blockages, and oppressive roots have been highlighted at this time. With all the technological advancements we're seeing today, with AI becoming more and more mainstream, we're being faced with inequitable and straight discriminatory laws, policies, and bills that are becoming a nationwide phenomenon in areas where the majority are unhealed, unsatisfied, and disrespected because of the color of their skin and/or their gender, preferences, and/or lifestyles. It's no wonder why all of these caution us to put our needs first and be less apprehensive about sparking and inspiring change, collectively. Especially, Black women.

Why, do you ask?

Because we are psychologically and biologically inherently "damaged" and forever affected by generational trauma, curses, and the history of slavery, discrimination, abuse, and neglect.

History proves that if we allow these systems to oppress us, we will be oppressed. Collectively, if we are to improve, there must be (more) work to be done. By the time that sentence has left your brain, I'm sure you're already thinking -- "I don't want to work anymore." This has been the call from black women for more than a century. We've taken care of our kids, our kids' kids... We've even raised slave owners' kids. We've been forced to play both roles in a majority of black homes. And now, in this day & age, we're reclaiming our time more than we ever have before. The liberation is so beautiful and important; not only for our communities but for our generation as a whole.

If we do not continue to reclaim our origins, to preserve ourselves out of survival; if we do not own our power and take back our inner authority, we will continue to lose and repeat cycles that are meant for us to break. I believe it is our work on this plane to redo, repair, restore, and revitalize what we've been given -- and I can't go on without saying that this is so much easier said than done.

Personally, I was raised without my mother, and it damaged me more than I knew it would. It was a lot harder to gain a firm foundation in life — I had my grandmother, which was the only sense of security I really had at the time, other than my family and growing friend group. When you’re young, they literally don’t tell you that most of your adult life you’re looking for your security in life. This world is so chaotic — it’s so hard to find yourself, let alone find your balance. A lot of us are carrying around our trauma from our past… and a lot more of us are unconscious of this process and the fact that some types of trauma can cause so much self-sabotage, we live most of our lives out here with no sense of ourselves or the world around us. We live most of our lives on autopilot without taking enough time to reflect, heal, or even rest.

Surviving in capitalism is probably one of the most challenging experiences I’m having as a young, single, black woman. I’m pretty sure this has everything to do with my Saturn Return. On top of choosing the road less traveled in my career, Life is built this way for folks like me, and even worse for folks whose skin is darker than mine and whose lives are a tad bit more colorful, if you catch my drift. The marginalized groups of the United States are not built for the system that is almost never-changing. And instead of changing our perspective or updating the system according to the present, we try to change the group; we smash them down and force a narrative that is foreign to their genetic makeup. Society enforces certain rules, and if we do not abide by tradition, we’re removed.

This summer is teaching me so much about Justice. About what’s right and what’s wrong. And it’s not what they’ve been telling us. My childhood felt stolen from me — I could not, do not, and will not stand for my adult life being snatched. Our freedoms — internal and external. The taboo is what’s true, for me at least. Recently, I’ve been exploring my Roots. More specifically, Rootwork & Hoodoo practices that stem from my previous generations. Circling back to my childhood, being raised by my Grandmother, we were — like most black families — raised in the church under the Christian religion. So much of the belief system resonated with me — until… the marginalized groups I spoke of earlier seemed to be written out, ignored, condemned, and sentenced to an eternity in hell for sinning. Even poor folks seemed to suffer so much in the Bible, interpreted by my (white) pastor at the time who was very, very different from me and my reflected genetics and history. Needless to say, witchy practices felt so uncomfortable and scary initially to me for so long. I officially walked away from Christianity prior to graduating high school, and I moved into more spiritual practices that were more New Age and Eastern tradition compared to the Western beliefs I was so used to. Walking away from that foundation was FRIGHTENING. As a cannabis consumer, I started to fear God hated me for my practices, for my lack of presence in church — I started to fear God didn’t want me to be also attracted to girls so I needed to actually “heal” all of these sins and change for the better. Chile, was I so wrong.

Reclaiming my Roots is the big highlight of my year, for my Saturn return and for the season. From 2018, I began my spiritual journey that slowly but surely, shed me of all of my past traumas, limiting beliefs, and previous forms. I didn’t know who I was... as I could barely recognize myself, but I also knew exactly who I was, and I recognized her with so much precision, I’m able to witness anything out of alignment with her and little by little I allowed myself to completely transform. 2023 I cocooned. I finally opened up to practicing Hoodoo, and I found myself again. It feels so good to practice and commune deeper with my Ancestors. I halfway know who I’m actually talking to or hearing since a lot of my past is still a mud puddle.. but I know it’s right. I know it’s for me. And when you know something is for you, you move so differently. When you find yourself, your security, and your Happiness… and when those things are firmly Rooted… you’re a firm tree standing tall, unwavering against any current. “..You will be like a well-watered Garden, like a Spring with waters that do not fail..” Isaiah 58:11

The past 10 years have been God’s doing, undoing, and doing again with me. Only until now am I fully surrendered — hands high, waiting for the rollercoaster to drop. Still scared as shit, not gonna lie, but so Joyful, Faithful, and Strong. There was a short time that I hated being “strong.” Especially being a black woman. Now, I see this word as something so different. Before, I had to be strong all by myself. I had no real security. I have family that helped me. I have friends that love me. But it’s nothing compared to having and knowing your foundation, yourself, and where real security comes from. All throughout my journey with God, learning, glowing, and growing, I knew where my real security came from, but — how do I implement it or get it to actually reflect in my life because the way mine was set up — it was clear there was a huge flaw somewhere. I had no idea where to even start when it came to “getting my life together.” Shoutout to all the people, friends, and employers who had to deal with my absence and inconsistency just because I was learning and relearning over and over again. I can’t even really blame all the people who either fell off, got frustrated, tired, and/or annoyed. Just like my mom, when you don’t have the space nor the right energy to invest, you’re gonna be judged for not showing up completely. And if you’re unaware of your self-sabotage, most of the healing is going to come slowly. Thankfully, I became aware at an early age AND I started to do the healing work at an early age. It wasn’t even anything anyone forced me to do — it was just that I started to see the patterns that didn’t serve me — I started to feel the way my parents made me feel. And lemme not make it seem like that healing work is ever over, it’s not.

Healing is so complex. The beginning stages for me are the most difficult because you’re in new territory learning to adjust your sails and your balance because it’s similar to the stage before but still filled with so many differences. A lot of the time, we move into new territory and we’re still used to the same old mentality; (that’s what I mainly refer to when referencing self-sabotage.) It takes the ultimate Balancing Act of action and passive rest to be able to manage and maintain ourselves, our healing, and navigating this unstable environment. Lately, I’ve been feeling so beat up because of the “Life Training”; but just like the beginning of any new stage, when we really start to get proactive, we see results like we never have before. What was once uncomfortable becomes easier and more flowing the more we practice. That word: Practice, has meant so much. Just like “Strong.” Words that once reverberated with so much sense of loneliness and overwhelm now reflect the quality of the relationship I have with God, myself, my Ancestors, and the surrounding environment. Practice, the gentle discipline of small daily efforts, ultimately leading us to a brick house of Divine Wisdom and Skillful Mastery.

None of this healing came easily. None of this healing came with the absence of uncomfortable feelings, wounds, triggers & constant tough mental and emotional work. And there were times I was in the thick of it and really could not see my way through, nor was it easy to keep grasp of the purpose and the mission behind my healing and my choice to pursue one of the most challenging career paths I could have chosen. Why did we do this to ourselves?! LMAO I wanna act like I’ll never know but — truly it’s because I was meant for and built for this shit. As much as I wanna throw a tantrum about it every 10 seconds. Sometimes, it’s hard now to even give myself a break when it comes to healing. It becomes an everyday lifestyle, and no matter how long we’ve been journeying, I feel it’s in our best interest to be as gentle as possible with ourselves throughout this process; the world is hard enough on us. Some of us may feel so insecure or weak when we even think about showing up in the world — with everything damn near in demand, it’s hard to gain a soft footing when we’re going so hard and so fast. Practice makes Perfect. It’s not a standard version of Perfection but the perfection that is perfect for you. Practice makes us confident, and Rest makes us Stronger. YES, YOU HEARD IT HERE FOLKS — RESTTTT MAKES US STRONGER. The world and our responsibilities are already tearing us to shreds, why put ourselves through more just because? A lot of us push and overwork ourselves because we already don’t feel like we’re enough, it’s so important for us to preserve our energies and to rest and reflect more than we overwork and remain chaotic and at maximum speed. Otherwise, Capitalism is winning, and we’re giving ourselves and our precious energies over to systems that no longer serve us, and who, on top of all that, couldn’t care less about our health or overall wellbeing.

It’s been such a pleasure taking in all of this information via observation for the past few months and transmuting it into a healthy article for our community to consume. In this new territory, I’m prone to revisiting and repeating those same harmful patterns, but it’s never been my desire to lean into the status quo. I keep choosing the wild road — for whatever reason. But this road is paved with so many valuable lessons, insights, and hell — lots of fun adventures & I can’t get enough. Though, my spirit is calling to stay rooted where I am and continue working with what I have right now — because it’s mighty enjoyable — I’ll trust wherever Spirit is leading me. I have a feeling we’re not done with Los Angeles just yet, and this new phase will be the most exciting, amazing journey I’ve experienced thus far. I’m looking forward to continuing to observe while transforming and transmuting at alarming rates. Until then, the Memoir is where I’ll be writing my stories, and hopefully sharing so many of others’ journeys with you all as well. It’s been such a blessing living this Life, and enjoying where I’m at has been my most favorite Practice yet. What will you do when the time to Practice shows up for you? I know it’ll be so worth it.

Enjoy the rest of the weekend, beloveds. Take great care."