Woah -- What just happened?!

Great morning all! I sincerely trust we have all been well and have enjoyed these last few months; I’ve been away for so long and needless to say, it’s been a hell of a ride. I left my parent’s home for the third time in my Life and things have been so - so since then.. but I’ll get to that in a minute. Anyone else feeling like, “Woah — What the fuckkkkk just happened?!” Yea, that’s my mood and my energy for the past couple of weeks. Let’s get into why that is.

So… Summer! Seemed like she just went and left like it was nothing LOL. I can’t lie, I imagined Summer going a little differently, but when you’re working with the Universe and trying to change your Life there’s bound to be things that surprise you, in good and not so good ways. I left my comfort zone and moved out of my parent’s home after being there for a year post COVID. It was difficult dealing with all the emotions stemming from that situation, but it was most definitely necessary looking back. I hate hate hate stepping into the Unknown, I always like to be prepared for the unexpected and I like many others, appreciate security and stability. Problem is, I chose to be an Entrepreneur. And without going back on my desires, I chose to step into it fully, Pain and all. It’s hard and I’m afraid it always will be. But what’s even more difficult is letting go of the person who I once was — that gurl who thrives in “security and stability”. Instead I’ve chosen the Wild Road, one of the Unknown where at every turn you feel like anything bad might happen, and the external really tries to test your Faith. It’s unclear how I will make it past this, but I’m using my Imagination to think bigger and to dream up Impossible Miracles to occur in my favor, so that I may be fully Enlightened and Trusting of the path that lays before me.

It’s not easy to admit, but I was attached to Limiting Beliefs, Poverty and Scarcity Mindset. I can no longer agree with the thoughts and feelings running through my mind when I’m in a situation like this. I want my dream, I know SOMEHOW SOMEWAY my dream is possible, it just feels Impossible because I’m not used to it all the way yet. My body and my mind sometimes fight against me when I’m choosing my Faith over Fear. For the past few weeks, I’ve been diving deeper into myself than I ever have before. And I’m awakening a new Being within me. A rebirth — over and over again I’ve set foot on this path without much external evidence that my dreams will become a reality. The evidence I do see, is more Internal/Spiritual and Energetic. I feel like I can barely keep up; I can barely hold onto Faith because at times the external gets soooo bad that my body and mind shut down or go into overdrive, panic and restlessness. When you’re neck deep in some shit — you just wanna be rescued. And the hard part about all of it is, I have to rescue myself. Even with a trustworthy secure relationship with the Divine, I’ve learned it’s not an external Force that comes in and saves the day. It’s the internal Knowing, the Subconscious, Infinite Divinity living within me and within everyone else that allows Miraculous Experiences to occur. It feels Lonely, Scary and absolutely Terrifying. Most of the time, I have no clue how I can keep going. I feel and hear a bunch of Low Vibrational thoughts running through my mind, when I don’t overwork, or rush to get a full time job. I hear my familial beliefs, and I can understand how folks may not agree with the path I’m taking. It’s more than me though. It can only make sense to me because I live it. Being on this journey with the Divine has been the most excruciating thing I could have ever chosen to experience. I could literally kick my Soul’s ass for choosing this. But something bigger that lives within me is driving me to do Crazy, Impossible and Unimaginable things. Especially things I’m not used to doing — Not working for someone else Full Time, not overworking even with my side hustles, saying No and putting up Boundaries, reprogramming my thoughts onto the unlimited Wealth that exists within, and being determined to make a little gurl’s dream into Reality. I have seen the confirmation, I have witnessed the Abundance of external evidence that has been available to me to make sure I get it by my valued means necessary. Again, this shit is not easy. It took me a while to get to this place in my mind where I will be able to express this with Confidence and Authenticity. It took me years to detach (and still healing) from the thoughts and opinions of others. I appreciate the Lessons and Integrations despite the Pain and Adversity. It’s not so much Physical pain as it is Emotional and Internal Struggles that keep me in a loop of despair. Now, I can officially say it’s the Divine and the Holy Spirit taking over my every move and even my every thought. When I don’t know how I’m going to get by, or how we’re going to make it through, somehow someway things keep going, even if it’s at the slowest pace; even if I feel like how can I wait on answers when things seem like they should be happening right away.

I can’t wait til I can write out a blog expressing my Gratitude because it’s happening or has already happened, but until then, I still Live and Give Praise with a Thankful heart because I know my desires are and have happened. It’s just about letting things Flow naturally as they may. If I didn’t have the tools — Yoga, Physical Fitness, Intuition Work, Artistic Expression and Reconnection and Rooting in Source — I would not be where I am today. I would not know that Peace and Trust is an inside job. Even if I had all the money in the world to provide me Security and Stability; it is a false sense and not the real thing. I know that is what the Universe is teaching me. It’s just about whether or not I have to fully integrate that Lesson before I’m able to receive — and when.

I’ve been reading and using my Affirmations so heavily ever since the Full Moon in Aries last month. That transit literally knocked me on my ass and now this Scorpio energy is giving me the Blues. I can’t and won’t back down from my Mission though — I literally have to take things moment by moment. Because If I don’t, my Mind, Heart & Spirit will be swallowed whole with Fear. I know by now that My Thoughts create my Reality. I just be tryna speed up the Process and see if there’s anyway to make shit happen faster than possible lol. It’s not a bad thing, but it is a reflection of how pressured I feel in this point in my Life. I can’t say it’s not worth the wait or that I’m not receiving so much substance from this Opportunity for Growth and Realization. It’s what I’ve always wanted, other than being Independent and Successful; Fruitful and Knowledgeable is my greatest aspiration in Life. I’m appreciative of the present moment and what it provides, as well as, being appreciative in advanced for all that’s coming. Every good thing is on it’s way to me, and I’m so excited for the unfolding. It’s been a hell of a journey, as I’ve stated previously. And I can’t wait to continue creating for the Collective. I’m making sure my energy is staying focused and shifted towards what is Noble, Pure, Righteous, and True. Whatever is Lovely and Admirable. No longer can I hold onto my Fears and allow them to stagnate me. I have to be Free. And this freedom definitely comes with costs and sacrifice that most of the time I’m unaware of until it comes. But this is a small temporary obstacle on the path of my Journey. I’m eager and excited for the unfolding of Miracles and Favor that I know I’m worthy of receiving. It’s my pleasure to serve and give back so I can’t forget that when I get to where I need to be. I can’t say when or how that will be but I will tell you this — whatever and whenever that is, all Glory will be to the Most High for Providing and Guiding me every step of the way. It’s imperative for us to stay Aligned and Rooted in the Divine as best as we can; that’s where everything goes right. That’s where our Fears have no control over us. If we do our best to remain Grounded in our Truth, there aren’t any limits to what we can accomplish, and there are no limitations to what we can achieve.

This story is still revealing itself, but I trust I will be able to tell the other side to it very soon. Thank you so much for your time if you did spend your energy reading this. It’s truly a Gift to be able to share and connect and I look forward to coming back and continuing to do what I’ve been called to do. It’s the New Moon and I’m enjoying every bit of it. Meditate, contemplate, clear and ground your Energy, move with Intention and take Action when Necessary. I’m sending all my Love and Light to you Beautiful Beings, and I trust there is something you can take and learn from my stories whatever that may be. Allow the Divine Plan to take place in your Life and watch your whole world transform. Delight in the Lord, and I will see you soon!